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I became depressed and began thinking about my abuse. Anytime I would get sad about something or about my abuse, I would turn to candy, but with sugar comes fat. So I began cutting, but with blood comes scabs and scars. One of my best friends at the time noticed the scars, so I stopped. Nothing else was working to help cope with the pain so I began drinking. I built up a tolerance so I started getting “twisted” with weed and alcohol. Somewhere in there boys came into my life. I got pregnant July of 2003 and had no idea. On November 5, 2003, I was rushed to the emergency room because of severe cramps and it ended in miscarriage. Drinking was still a huge problem but it no longer numbed the pain. I needed a new fixer. I chose crystal meth. I totally forgot about the guilt and I began talking freely about my miscarriage. I felt great. Then on March 27, 2004, my two cousins died which left me feeling alone and horrified. It is amazing how God times things. He waits for the most opportune time to reach in and pull you out of your situation. That opportunity was right after one of my friends got shot and I was headed down a road of complete darkness. Next thing I knew, I was driving to Arizona to be put in Springboard. Within the first week, I was saved by the blood of Jesus, delivered from drugs, and most importantly, I was forgiven. God has comforted me in a way that no drug or materialistic thing could. I have learned to cope with things in a healthy, Godly way. -Tammie* |
